I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
