drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
