3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
