how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
