Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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