its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
