organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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