Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
