Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
