She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
