There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
