Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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