i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
