honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
