woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
