I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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