I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
