The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
