Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm bleeding and have questions
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
