i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
