Pappa wants mamma naked
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
