Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
