She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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