oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it's like heaven, but drunker
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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