mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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