i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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