i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
