Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
