What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
