My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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