I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
