Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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