I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
