did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize