i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
