Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
