One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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