You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
