You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
