I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
