Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
