soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
