Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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