Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
