I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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