Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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