if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
