btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
