she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
