He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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