do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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