we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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