I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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