She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
