Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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