Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
