I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
operation have a gay friend backfired
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
