3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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