yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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