don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
