Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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