I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i believe in u and ur pee
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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