She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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