we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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